The Maintenance of Romantic Relationship Later in Life

After major hardships in life, it often appears difficult to open oneself again to finding love – particularly when at least one previous romantic relationship has ended very badly. Nonetheless, engaging with the proactive pursuit of love and learning how to maintain healthy romantic interactions is one of the most fulfilling and rewarding enterprise at any age. In the following lines, I detail some tips and ideas specifically tailored for middle-aged heterosexual women seeking to find and maintain love in today’s world:

1. Build a Strong Foundation of Friendship

Embark on exploring activities you both enjoy, which leads in time to naturally discover shared interests which, in its turn, conveys mutual respect for your opinions, even when you disagree, as well as individual space and personal priorities.

2. Maintain Independence

Derived from the first suggestion, allowing for time apart not only grows the heart fonder and to the increased appreciation of moments spent together, but also shows consideration for your individual goals and aspirations which, in time, hopefully develops into mutual support. At the same time, the pursuit of individual interests and keeping up with your hobbies and interests, helps maintain a sense of self outside of the relationship, thus bypassing or even actively avoiding the greatest danger women of all ages risk to run into: suffocating the (potential) partner in the early stages of getting to know each other and thus inadvertently sending warning signals of neediness, clinginess, despair to the very person one is trying to move closer towards, who, as a natural reaction, will pull away to regain his initial sense of autonomy and independence.

3. Effective Communication

Equally important, ensuring that you communicate openly, politely, honestly with your (potential) partner about your needs, feelings, and concerns, allows for a gradual process of knowing each other and, simultaneously, testing the waters of compatibility. Additionally, the self-aware practice of active listening shows respect towards him and the willingness to non-judgmentally understand your partner’s perspective, his needs and concerns and foster mutual acceptance. As women, we possess the innate need to express our feelings and to share our thoughts and emotions regularly, profoundly with those around us and in particular with our romantic partner. It is important, though, to pay attention not to overwhelm him and to discuss in extenso with your friends the most emotionally charged topics. Specifically in the initial phases of getting to know each other, less is more.

4. Quality Time

It is important to make time for regular date nights and activities which reflect shared interests and therefore you both enjoy to keep the romance alive, even – or more precisely so – after the initial romantic spark has settled into a more comfortable routine. Finding new common hobbies strengthens and deepens your bond, making it thus more resilient in face of adversities which have a way of showing up when one least expects them. Furthermore, small gestures showing appreciation and affection go a long way, as do honest compliments and voluntary acts of kindness without any hidden agenda. For men, physical affection through holding hands, (non-sexual) touches, (unexpected) hugs, and kisses of all sorts as well as love-making is essential for maintaining and enhancing the emotional intimacy. As women, we tend to focus more intensely on the emotional connection, but the exploration of the physical connection is at least as – if not even more – rewarding when cultivated with warmheartedness, compassion and respect. Last but not least, thoughtful presents and spontaneous plans contribute to the refreshening of the romance, as surprises show that we care and think about the well-being of our partner simply for their own sake.

5. Emotional Support

Maybe more than women, men live in a tough world, void of warmth and empathy, full of ruthless competition. Being there for your partner during tough times and offering emotional support and encouragement without any expectations and without delivering unsolicited advice is one of the most delicate yet wholesome gesture you can do for your partner. In addition to showing your supportive nature, express gratitude and appreciation for his presence in your life and for his efforts opens the pathway towards mutual appreciation to be emulated within the couple in the long-run. Appreciating each other just for being in each other’s life is both (self-)validating and powerfully (self-)reinforcing.

6. Conflict Resolution

Probably the biggest contribution to a fulfilling long-term romantic relationship is the willingness and readiness to learn to argue healthily and to address issues calmly and respectfully without letting emotions escalate – the best time to do this is when said issues are small, in their incipient phase. There is an unfathomable difference between seeking compromise – that is, accommodatingly finding solutions that work for both of you – and giving in for the sake of “cheap peace” – which breeds resentment and in times leads to massive frustration and at some point insurmountable conflict. Addressing conflicts constructively means to stay calm and keep a positive demeanor, as much as possible, and avoid blaming, while finding solutions to problems and working together towards implementing them in mutually acceptable frameworks.

7. Long-Term Planning

After daunting experiences in their earlier lives, women learn to avoid the discussion and planning for the future together. Nonetheless, sharing and acknowledging common goals is a critical part of any committed relationship, regardless whether it is about retirement plans, travel dreams or personal milestones. Having a shared vision of the future as a couple strengthen usually your partnership. Flexibility and adaptability throughout the life’s journey, in face of changes and adversities, and supporting each other through life’s transitions as well as goals and aspirations, is another crucial skill to develop as one progresses through the joys, challenges and surprises of a life à deux. This, you two grow together as a couple and avoid the pitfalls of following separate trajectories: the most insidious, painful fate of a long-term partnership. Ultimately, the necessity to continuously invest in the relationship with time and effort nurtures the connection between the two of you and naturally protects it against outside attacks. Regular relationship check-ins with each other are another tactic employed by content couple partners; these check-ins functions as virtual barometers of the health of the relationship without suffocating its spontaneity, freshness and vitality.

I would say that, by focusing on these strategies, you can enhance your chances of keeping a romantic relationship alive and of developing it into a long-term committed partnership, once it has moved beyond the initial phase of getting to know each other. Finally, I would gently remind you that a strong and fulfilling relationship with a partner always resides from a strong and fulfilling relationship with one’s own self, so before you embark on the journey of finding love – and subsequently, keeping and expanding it – make sure that you have arrived in a place of your own existential trajectory which allows you as an individual to live a life of contentment, joy and limitless potentialities. I cheer and pray for your happiness.