How To Be A Decent Human, Part 1 of 2

The definition of humanity has been evolving throughout the centuries and millennia, but in today’s complex and sophisticated world, it has been become more than ever necessary to have a clear definition, understanding and acceptance of the concept of “human”. This, consequently, hopefully leads to better individual choices which, in turn, will contribute to the improvement of humanity as a whole.

1. Listen

Learning to listen actively, without thinking of a reply and without judgment, is a superpower. It is a human fundamental need to talk about oneself – being able to transcend this need of talking about oneself into listening to others with an open heart turns the listening individual into someone who consistently, benevolently adds value to those surrounding him or her.

2. Empathize

The ability to put oneself into the symbolic shoes of someone else and “feeling” what that other person is feeling is another superpower, as well – and crucial for the survival of the individual and of the species. It is due to empathy that parents feed the fully vulnerable, fully exposed little humans they have chosen to bring into the world, without expecting anything in return.

3. Do your best to understand the others rather than to be understood

This is one of Stephen Covey’s rules of the highly efficient people from his classic volume: the willingness to understand the others at the cost of being understood is largely underrated due, I would argue, to the all-encompassing loneliness which spreads like a “silent pandemic” globally. Nevertheless, being able to overcome one’s need to be “heard, seen, understood” by others and finding solace in “hearing, seeing, understanding” others without turning into a people-pleaser is another superpower.

4. Dress cleanly, elegantly, comfortably

Dress codes vary wildly across cultures, circumstances, personal preferences; in order to pursue a life of joy, contentment and fulfilment which is in alignment with one’s own values and ideals without negatively impacting those around us, choosing clothes which allows us to be simultaneously approachable and professional is an art and a skill which can – and must – be practiced the entire life. While traditional wisdom might underline the fact that it is the person, not the clothes which matter(s), experience and research shows that first impressions based on exterior appearance are crucial in human interactions.

5. Talk in a way that the others can understand you

Many of us carry undisclosed traumas and bad experiences from childhood which do not allow us to express ourselves fully, coherently. One way we externalize this type of self-sabotage is by an inability to communicate clearly, efficiently, so that the others understand what we mean. Mostly, we just want to get over uttering the words and sentences and do not care whether our message has been transmitted to those listening to us and whether they have understood correctly our message. Learning to communicate effectively is a life-long journey, but the sooner one sets on this journey, the more one’s life, relationships, outcomes improve.

6. Be honest – but do your best to be kind or at least polite

What is better, a comfortable lie or a harsh truth? A difficult question which, in today’s sanitized, politically correct world, is more often than not answered with the approval of the first alternative. Nevertheless, I would say that practicing the art of telling the truth with kindness and warmheartedness is by all means worth the effort. Being truthful leads to being trustworthiness which leads to mutually beneficial cooperation. In addition, being truthful with kindness tends to repel liars, scoundrels, scammers, which is in itself a huge benefit.

7. Smile sincerely – that is with mouth AND EYES.

Then, in today’s world of fake emotions and superficial relationships, which evolve rapidly and go extinct even more quickly, bringing forth authentic feelings and gestures of compassion might seem implosive, as if they expose us openly to the imposters and profiteers of the world. My experience – and my experiments based on results detailed in scientific studies which I have read and then wanted to double-check myself – has proven again and again that healthy boundaries keep these late-modern parasites at bay and provide us with protection, even when – or particularly when – we are genuine in expressing our moods, proclivities, vulnerabilities.

8. Look the others in the eyes

This ties up nicely with the previous point: have you noticed that people do not look each other in the eyes anymore? Regardless of situation and apparently at an alarming rate, when people talk to each other, they somehow keep perusing the environment, as if there is either some sort of lurking danger or – more poignantly – as if they keep on searching for better opportunities to spend their time and energy than interacting with the person right in front of them with which they are interacting at that very moment. Even more disturbingly, they focus during one-to-one conversations on their smartphone (it even has a name, “phubbing”), an activity pursued in most cases by both persons. The same happens in group discussions of activities: where does this preoccupation with virtual distance come from when living humans which we voluntarily spend our time with are right close to us?

9. Keep your body posture straight.

Perhaps due to an extraordinary increase in sedentary lifestyles and/or a tendency to symbolically hide ourselves from the world which has dramatically increased due to recent events, more specifically the lockdowns and their implied shame and guilt over showing oneself outside, I have been observing many people, notably young people, carrying themselves as if they were walking seahorses with a bent posture which seemed both unhealthy and uncomfortable. I could not help myself wondering how they could see ahead and breath, but then again, this seems to be the new normal. Inhale generously air to the deepest layer of your lungs and look straight ahead as far as you can see – and keep that posture permanently.

10. Know what you want as clearly as you can and improve yourself constantly.

Connected to number 5, many of us have been raised in families, cultures, societies, educational systems, historical environments in which we were mercilessly, uninterruptedly told what to do, what to be, what to think, what to eat, what to say. In time, we forgot our true self and we became unable to know who we are. Finding the way back to that initial self is essential for survival – and while the journey of self-rediscovery might be painful and imply losses of all kinds, the alternative is far grimmer. Therefore, proactively choosing truth over illusion and progress over stagnation and decline is the healthier, more sustainable pathway, even though it could be equally more difficult.

In a second part, I shall delve more deeply into the necessary elements of late-modern humanity as an individual decision. Sometimes, it seems easier to go with the flow and never question the status-quo – nonetheless, in the era of a generalized 100-year life expectancy, if we want to attain it in terms of holistically healthy longevity and not as long-term burden to society and those around us, becoming aware of the challenges and opportunities in today’s global village and addressing them upfront is the only way to live.