Classic “toxic” masculinity and its “masks”

In his groundbreaking book The Masks of Masculinity from 2017, Lewis Howes outlines nine major characteristics (or “masks”, as he calls them), which define classic, traditional masculinity. As to be shown further below, these “masks” are educated during a long, arduous process of inscribing norms and social behaviors. They are not naturally in-born. They are, though, the reasons behind the greatest part of the challenges men are facing nowadays. They are the nine key-features of the “toxic masculinity”.

1. The “stoic mask” is revealed as the entry-level of traditional masculinity. It refers to the fact that every man must be invincible and tough, so that emotions are carefully managed and organized – that is, are cautiously suppressed from a young age. Tears and any other signs of fragility are carefully hidden, and no crying is indulged, no pain may be shown, no feeling is supposed to be expressed. There is a wall, an increasingly high wall, built-up between the “man” and the world around him, a wall which protects him and enables him to pretend that he does not feel the things he does: weakness is an invitation to scrutiny, judgement and rejection, both from the others and, more importantly, from himself.
   
   
2. The “stoic mask” is closely followed by the “athlete mask”: one of the clearest ways a man can distinguish himself among peers is on the field or on the court. He must present himself like a modern-day gladiator whose weapon is not death, but domination. Through sports a man proves himself, and the equation that a good athlete is a good man is eternally valid. Concretely speaking, this means lots of hours spent in the gym to get in shape or on playfields to maintain an Adonis-like body. Even more strongly, it means fighting without a sigh or tear through injuries and pain, and never allow the fear to lose in front of other men get the best of one’s abilities. However, if for some reason, a man is not good at sports himself, he is supposed to compensate for that by loving sports and knowing everything he can about them.
   
   
3. The third level of classic masculinity is the “material mask”: it imposes that there is no clearer sign of a man’s worth than the amount of money in his bank account. The immediate effect of this incredible social pressure is that not only do men work fabulously hard, and sometimes do questionable things in the name of this “hard work” to make as much money as possible, but they also show off in the most diverse ways how much money they make, so that other people know it. This – his cars, his watches, his houses – as well as his social media feeds become a representation of who a man is, as a man’s net worth becomes his self-worth.
   
   
4. Directly linked to the previous “mask” is the “sexual mask”, which asserts that a man is defined by his sexual conquests: his value is determined not only by his bank account, but also by the number of women he has slept, or he sleeps, with. Naturally, the more gorgeous the women, the more the worth and the status of the man increase. Nonetheless, he does not settle down in romantic relationships, which are socially perceived as being the solution for lesser men, for the quitters and Beta males. A “real” man loves women, and then leaves them, but in the course of their encounters, he is legendarily good in bed, so that their momentary partners are left fully satisfied. Possibly, it is this “mask” which mercilessly objectifies women and treats them as trophies for men in their relentless pursuit for recognition and validation, that enrages feminists the most.
   
   
5. The fifth level of defining a man in terms of classic masculinity is the so-called “aggressive mask”. According to this, it is in the very nature of men to be aggressive, to be violent and tough, and to never back down, to never give up, to never apologize even when they are dead-wrong. When they see something they want, they take it; the more unavailable it is, the more they want it, and the more they fight for it. By their innate essence, men hate and men have enemies. More importantly, they have a temper, they break things, and they get into fights, even if that happens for the very simple reason to protect – or to assert – their dignity. Men are the hunters, not the gatherers, who are the women. A man who thinks otherwise is not a man and is responsible for the weakening of the world – one of the most distressing reproach Alpha males have against the non-Alpha males.
   
   
6. Somewhat of a derivation of the previous “mask”, the ”invincible mask” is the one which forbids men to feel fear. By his very nature, a man takes risks, be it in the form of betting his life savings in a company, be it cliff-diving in spite of dangers and costs, be it smoking and drinking in incredible quantities. Moreover, according to this “mask”, a man does not have time to think about consequences, but instead he is very busy doing things, living life, winning and finding new avenues to prove his strength and abilities. It is the “other people” – namely women, children, elderly, the Betas – who have “problems”, and sit and talk about them. Real men – the Alphas of the tribe, the top of the social ladder, the peak of the food chain – have everything under control, they never complain and never seek help. They are masters of their own lives, and they are – and will always be – perfectly fine.
   
   
7. The “know-it-all mask” is the seventh layer under which the identity of a man is constructed. This states that a man is not only physically dominant, but intellectually commanding as well, and emotionally absolutely in control. If there is anything another human being does not know or understand, a “real” man is more than happy to explain it to him or to her – along with all the other subjects he is an expert in. He leads an entirely functional life, goes to top schools, watches the news, is an expert in everything. He knows all the answers, by default. He certainly does not need anyone’s help, opinion or advise. He knows it all. He holds the world in the palm of his hand.
   
   
8. Of course, a man has a sense of humor and a wit that can repel even the most withering critique or the most nagging doubt. This is the “Joker mask”. Talking about his problems is forbidden in this code of honor, and he counters everything with cynicism, sarcasm and a sense of excellence, which serve as highly sophisticated intellectual weapons employed to defend himself against every attempt to soften him or to connect with him. If you want a man to let you in, expect a knock-knock joke, not an open door. At the end of the day, any attempt to penetrate beyond the self-erected walls of masculinity a man has been building along the years of his life, will hit at some point against impenetrable jokes and funny tales of self-sufficiency, to practically avoid any intrusion into his inner world.
   
   
9. Eventually, it all amounts to the ninth “mask”: the “Alpha Mask”. At the most basic level, men believe that there are only two types of male humans: Alphas and non-Alphas, namely winners and losers. No real man can stand to be the latter, not even temporarily – so a man must dominate the others, one-up any potential or actual adversary, and win at everything. A man cannot, may not ever defer: as a man, he must be in control, and he is not, under any circumstances, allowed to do anything, or even think anything, a Beta male (or a woman) would do. The Alpha male situates himself above everyone and everything, he exists exclusively to fulfill his three major functions – to provide, to protect, to procreate –, and he never questions his position in the world – regardless of how lonely or isolated he might feel at times: when those emotions of doubt arise, they are swiftly pushed down in a reflex-like move to avert inner accountability for the misdeeds their highly self-centered existence and vision of life might create around them.
   
   
   

                                                  Nine masks of Western masculinity (Howes 2017; my own design)

Clearly, this vision of masculinity is bound to fail incurably, both on an individual and on an over-individual level. It is not only extremely alienating and promiscuous in its construction of the human being as a social entity, but it is fundamentally unreasonable in the detachment mechanisms which it triggers: a continuous struggle for external validation. Nevertheless, imageries actively, seductively promoting this type of masculinity abound. It takes commitment and effort to find credible alternatives: realistic, fulfilling, providing existential significance.